I’ve seen this firsthand with my nephew—his first checkup showed a tiny cavity, and my sister was shocked since she followed all the “rules.” Turns out, he just has those deep grooves and inherited my brother-in-law’s teeth. Genetics really do play a bigger role than most people realize.
Genetics really do play a bigger role than most people realize.
That’s so true. I remember feeling guilty when my daughter had a cavity at her first dentist visit, even though we brushed and avoided juice. Turns out, her dad has those same deep grooves you mentioned, and our dentist said some kids are just more prone, no matter how careful you are. It really helped to hear it wasn’t all on us as parents. Sometimes, it’s just the luck of the draw.
It really helped to hear it wasn’t all on us as parents. Sometimes, it’s just the luck of the draw.
That’s such a key point. There’s so much pressure on parents to get everything “right,” especially with stuff like brushing and sugar. But the genetics piece is real. My youngest has those deep molar grooves too, and despite us being on top of brushing, she had a cavity before kindergarten. Her older brother? Eats the same stuff, way lazier about brushing, and his teeth are still perfect. It honestly feels unfair sometimes.
I totally get that feeling of guilt, but honestly, you did everything you could. Here’s how I’ve started thinking about it:
1. Some kids have enamel that’s just softer or more prone to decay, no matter how careful you are.
2. Factors like saliva composition, tooth shape, and even how tightly their teeth are spaced can make a big difference—none of which you can control.
3. Even dentists admit that some kids are just going to get cavities, especially if there’s a family history.
It’s easy to blame yourself, but the science just doesn’t support the idea that good habits alone can prevent every cavity. I used to stress about every snack and bedtime brush, but our dentist said something that stuck with me: “You can only control what you can control.” There’s comfort in that.
One thing that helped us was getting sealants put on those deep grooves early—insurance didn’t cover it, but it’s been worth it for peace of mind. Not saying it’s a magic fix, but it did cut down on new cavities for us.
All that said, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Dental stuff is weirdly emotional, especially with kids. But at the end of the day, you’re doing your best—and that really is enough.
I really relate to the anxiety around this. My grandkids are night and day with their teeth—one had a cavity before age two, and the other is almost ten with nothing, even though their routines are pretty much the same. I do wonder sometimes if there’s anything more that can be done besides brushing and diet. Does anyone’s dentist recommend fluoride varnish for little ones? I’ve heard mixed things and I’m always worried about overdoing it.
Honestly, I see this all the time—two siblings, same toothpaste, same bedtime, one’s already had a filling and the other’s breezing through check-ups with a smile full of perfect teeth. Genetics are a wild card, and sometimes it really does feel like you’re rolling the dice, no matter how diligent you are with brushing and snacks.
About fluoride varnish—I totally get the hesitation. There’s so much information (and misinformation) floating around, it’s easy to worry about overdoing it. In my experience, most pediatric dentists are pretty measured with their recommendations. I’ve seen a lot of little ones get fluoride varnish, especially if they’re at a higher risk for cavities (like early cavities, weak enamel, or, let’s be real, a stubborn love for juice boxes). The varnish is a quick brush-on thing, and the amount of fluoride is tiny compared to what’s in toothpaste or water. The studies I’ve seen and, honestly, what I’ve noticed with my own patients, is that it can really help cut down on new cavities—especially for kids who seem to be cavity magnets despite everyone’s best efforts.
But it’s not a magic bullet, and I wouldn’t say every kid absolutely needs it. For families who already have good brushing habits, low-sugar diets, and no family history of dental issues, some dentists might skip it or use it less often. I had a mom last week who was super anxious about “chemicals,” so we talked it through and decided just to keep up with regular checkups and stick to a twice-a-day brushing routine for now. Sometimes less is more, right? But for my own nephew (the one who thinks flossing is a medieval torture device), the varnish has been a lifesaver. No new cavities since we started.
I’d say if you’re unsure, just ask your dentist to walk you through the pros and cons for your grandkids’ specific situation. And don’t beat yourself up about the differences between them—teeth can be weirdly unpredictable, even in the same family. Kids are like that... one’s got a mouthful of fillings before kindergarten, the other’s trading Halloween candy for apples and still has a perfect report card from the dentist. Go figure.
