What would you do if your parent refused to see the dentist?

Honestly, I get where you’re coming from. My dad was the same way - he’d rather deal with a toothache than set foot in a dentist’s office. It’s tough watching someone you care about just brush it off, especially when you know it could turn into something serious like an infection (which, yeah, can get pretty ugly fast).

I tried the gentle nudges, the “let’s go together” thing, even just leaving pamphlets around. Didn’t work for a while. What finally got through to him was hearing from a friend his age who ended up in the hospital because of an untreated tooth infection. Suddenly it wasn’t just me nagging - he saw what could actually happen.

I know it feels like you’re banging your head against a wall, but don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes they have to come to it on their own terms. You can keep an eye out and offer support, but at the end of the day, you can only do so much without driving yourself (and them) crazy. Hang in there - it’s not easy, but you’re not alone.

That’s really interesting - my mom’s the same way, and I’ve noticed that even when she’s in pain, she’ll just say it’s “not that bad.” I sometimes wonder if it’s more about fear or just stubbornness. Did your dad ever talk about why he avoided the dentist for so long, or was it just something he never wanted to discuss? I keep trying to figure out if there’s a better way to approach it, or if it’s just one of those things you have to wait out.

My dad was a total avoider too - he’d say “it’ll go away” even when it was definitely not going away. I tried the whole logical approach, like explaining how small problems get bigger, but honestly, he just clammed up. What sorta helped (eventually) was talking about my own dental stuff - like sharing how much better I felt after a cleaning or fixing a cavity. Sometimes just hearing it’s not as scary as they imagine makes a dent. But yeah, sometimes you just have to let them come around on their own... frustrating, but true.

My mom’s got the same “old school” attitude - she once told me, “If it doesn’t hurt enough to keep me up, it can wait.” Meanwhile, she’s chewing everything on one side and acting like that’s normal. I tried the logic route, but she just started quoting how her grandpa never saw a dentist and “kept his teeth till 90.” (Never mind he only had three left.)

Honestly, what finally got her in the chair was when her friend needed an emergency tooth extraction and couldn’t eat solid food for a month. Suddenly, missing out on her favorite steak seemed way scarier than the dentist. Sometimes it’s not about health at all - it’s food, or even just a little FOMO.

I get the guilt thing too. I tried bribing with ice cream once, which backfired because she said, “See? Sweets don’t hurt my teeth at all.” At some point, you just have to pick your battles - or wait for something to tip the scales. Not ideal, but I guess stubbornness runs in families…

That “if it doesn’t hurt, it can wait” mentality drives me nuts. My dad was the same - he’d only see the dentist if he was in agony. What finally worked? He chipped a tooth on a pork chop and couldn’t eat his favorite ribs for weeks. Suddenly, regular checkups didn’t seem so pointless. Sometimes you just have to let them connect the dots themselves... food is a powerful motivator.

Sometimes you just have to let them connect the dots themselves... food is a powerful motivator.

I’ve noticed this with my mom too. She always downplays any discomfort, but when she couldn’t chew on one side, suddenly she was open to preventive care. It’s interesting how oral function impacts daily habits more than pain itself. I guess when quality of life drops, the calculus changes.

That’s been my observation too - pain doesn’t always move the needle, but suddenly not being able to eat your favorite foods? That’s a different story. I’ve seen it with my dad, who shrugged off a cracked molar until he couldn’t bite into an apple. Once eating was affected, he wanted solutions fast.

What’s interesting is how people rationalize discomfort if it’s minor or intermittent. But when daily routines get disrupted - like not being able to enjoy meals or even talk comfortably - the urgency spikes. I wonder if it’s partly because pain is easier to ignore than a change in function.

Have you noticed if your mom’s attitude changed permanently after that, or did she go back to avoiding care once things improved? I’ve found that sometimes, unless there’s a lasting impact on quality of life, old habits creep back in. It makes me think about how much of this is about habit versus real risk assessment.

That’s exactly what happened with my mom - she was super resistant until she couldn’t chew steak anymore, then suddenly it was urgent. But once things got better, she started putting off appointments again. I worry about what it’ll take next time. Do you think people just get used to the discomfort, or is it more about fear of the dentist?

Honestly, I think it’s less about getting used to the pain and more about just not wanting the hassle. My dad’s the same way - he’ll complain nonstop, but the minute he can eat pizza again, he’s “cured.” Maybe a little fear, but mostly just stubbornness and procrastination in our house.

That sounds just like my mom - she’ll put off anything medical unless it’s totally unavoidable. I get the stubbornness part, honestly. Sometimes I think people just hope it’ll go away if they ignore it long enough. It’s tough to push them without starting an argument, but you’re not alone in this.

Ever notice how people will drag their feet on anything dental, but if their car makes a weird noise, they're at the mechanic in two seconds? I get the stubbornness, but sometimes I wonder - does pushing really help, or just make them dig their heels in more? I've seen folks refuse to come in for years, then finally show up when the pain is off the charts... and suddenly they're mad at everyone for not making them go sooner. Kind of ironic.

Have you tried asking what exactly freaks her out about the dentist? Sometimes it's the cost, sometimes it's fear of pain, or maybe just the idea of someone poking around in there. I had a patient once who said she'd rather give a speech to a stadium than sit in my chair. Ended up laughing through the whole cleaning once she actually came in.

Maybe there's a way to make it less of a big deal - like, "Hey, let's both get checkups and then hit up that coffee place you like." Ever tried that angle?

Honestly, I get where you're coming from - my dad's the same way. He'll ignore a toothache for months but won't let the car make a single rattle. I tried the "let's both go" thing, but he just laughed it off. Has anyone actually had luck with that? Or is it just about waiting until the pain gets bad enough?

He'll ignore a toothache for months but won't let the car make a single rattle.

- Same story at my house. Dad will schedule an oil change three months ahead but a dentist? Forget it.
- Tried the “let’s both go” trick too - he just said, “Nice try, kid.” Didn’t budge.
- What finally worked: I printed out a bill for a root canal and left it on the table. He hates wasting money more than he hates dentists.
- Sometimes you just have to wait until it hurts enough... but then it’s usually a bigger problem (and bill).
- If you can, keep reminding him that small fixes are way easier than big ones - just like with his car. Doesn’t always work, but worth a shot.

Honestly, I see this all the time - people will baby their cars but not their teeth. The root canal bill idea is genius though, that hits where it hurts for a lot of folks. I always tell my dad it’s like getting the brakes checked before they fail... but he still drags his feet. Sometimes you just have to keep nudging and hope they come around before things get too bad. It’s tough when you care but can’t force them, right?

That’s the struggle, for real. My mom’s the same - she’ll research every gadget for her phone but won’t schedule a cleaning. I tried showing her those crazy dental bill memes, but she just laughs it off. I get wanting to respect her choices, but man, watching her avoid it stresses me out. I guess all you can do is keep dropping hints and hope it lands eventually. The car analogy is spot on, though... preventative stuff is always cheaper in the long run.

That car analogy really does hit home. I’ve tried a similar approach with my dad - he’ll take his car in for every oil change but won’t book a dentist unless something hurts. It’s frustrating, especially since he’s seen what neglect can do (my aunt had a tooth infection that landed her in the ER). I get wanting to let them make their own choices, but sometimes it feels like you’re just watching a slow-motion train wreck. I’ve found that sharing stories from people he knows, rather than just stats or memes, gets through a bit more... not always, but sometimes.

That’s such a common thing - people will do maintenance on their cars but ignore their teeth until there’s pain. I totally get the frustration, especially when you’ve seen firsthand how bad it can get. I’ve noticed that sometimes just sitting down and talking about what’s actually involved in a checkup (like, “It’s really just a quick look and maybe a cleaning”) can help ease some of those mental blocks. Stories definitely stick more than stats... especially if it’s someone they know. It’s tough, but every little nudge counts.

- Totally agree, people treat car maintenance as non-negotiable, but dental stuff gets pushed aside until it’s urgent.
- I’ve actually tried booking the appointment for my dad and just telling him when to show up - sometimes it works, sometimes not.
- One thing that helped was going with him and making it a “coffee after” kind of outing. Took some pressure off.
- Curious if anyone’s found a way to talk about cost without it turning into a whole debate? That’s usually the sticking point for us.

Cost is always the big elephant in the room for my folks too. I actually broke it down for my mom once - like, compared a filling to her weekly grocery bill - and it weirdly helped. She still grumbled, but at least it wasn’t a full-on argument. Sometimes I just say, “Cheaper than an emergency root canal…” and leave it at that.