Has anyone else noticed their kid getting more anxious when you try to explain too much?
Definitely. My daughter actually got more worried the more I tried to reassure her with details. Sometimes just saying, “It’s normal, and we’ll get through it together,” seemed to work better than over-explaining. Kids pick up on our tone more than our words, I think.
That’s interesting—my son’s the same way. If I start explaining what’s going to happen with his tooth, he’ll get this worried look and start asking even more questions. Sometimes I wonder if distraction works better for some kids than talking it out. Like, when we watched a movie together and barely mentioned the tooth, he barely fussed at all. Do you think age makes a difference in how much detail helps, or is it more about personality?
In my experience with grandkids, it’s almost always about personality more than age. My oldest wanted every detail—charts, diagrams, the works—while his little sister just wanted to watch cartoons and pretend nothing was happening. Sometimes too much info just fuels their imagination... not always in a good way. I lean toward keeping it simple unless they ask.
That’s such a good point about personality. My son is all about facts and wants to know exactly what’s going to happen—he’ll ask a million questions, and if I try to gloss over something, he’ll call me out. But my daughter? She’d rather just get a popsicle and move on, no big talks needed. It’s funny how different kids can be, even in the same family.
I’ve definitely learned the hard way that too much information can backfire. The first time my son had a wiggly tooth, I tried to explain every step, thinking it would help him feel prepared. Instead, he got so worked up imagining all the “what ifs” that bedtime turned into a two-hour ordeal. After that, I stuck with the basics unless he asked for more. Sometimes less is more, especially when their imaginations start running wild.
But I do think there are moments when talking it out helps—like if they’re really anxious or have heard something from friends that’s totally off base. I try to keep it light and let them lead the conversation. If they want details, I give them. If not, we just watch a silly show or do something fun until it’s over.
It’s reassuring to hear others have similar experiences. Makes me feel less like I’m winging it half the time. Kids are just so unpredictable... what works one day might not work the next. At the end of the day, I figure as long as they feel safe and heard, we’re doing okay.
Totally get what you mean about different kids needing totally different approaches. My oldest is a lot like your son—he wants every detail, and if I try to skip anything, he’ll just keep asking until he gets the full rundown. But my younger one? She’s more of a “just tell me if it’ll hurt, then let’s get ice cream” type. It’s wild how siblings can be so different.
I’ve also found that too much info can sometimes make things worse, especially with anxious kids. One time, I tried to prep my son for a dentist visit by explaining everything, thinking it would calm him down. Instead, he started worrying about all the possible things that could go wrong—like, what if the chair breaks, or what if the dentist drops something in his mouth? I realized after that it’s better to keep it simple unless he asks for more.
But I do think there’s a balance. If I just brush things off or distract too much, he sometimes thinks I’m hiding something and gets more nervous. What’s worked for us is answering questions as honestly as possible, but not volunteering extra details unless he seems ready. And sometimes, when he’s really wound up, distraction actually does help—like putting on a funny show or letting him play a game.
One thing I’m still figuring out is how to handle when they hear weird stuff from friends at school. My daughter came home convinced her tooth would “explode” if she ate apples, which was... interesting. In those cases, I try to gently correct it without making a big deal.
Honestly, I don’t think there’s a perfect answer. Some days talking helps, other days it just makes things more complicated. I guess the main thing is just paying attention to what they seem to need in the moment, even if it changes from one day to the next. Kids really do keep you on your toes.